dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize