my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
