I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize