i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
