I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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