last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
