I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
