I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
