carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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