I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
