some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
