I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
