sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
