DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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