i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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