At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
