I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
