You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize