PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
