So drunk, too bad you don't want this
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
