Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
