Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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