no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
