I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
