sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
