Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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