hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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