i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
All I want is dick and wine.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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