i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
