I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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