I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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