I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
They took my balls.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
