my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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