I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
