The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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