I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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