I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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