the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
