There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
