Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he shaved USA in his pubs
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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