The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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