What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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