Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
