WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I FOUND THE LEGS
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize