Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
