I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
