i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize