My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
