At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
