how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
