I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
