I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
