I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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