Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My vagina is officially offended.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
