Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
