Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
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