Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
