the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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