FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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