I just saw a hot homeless man
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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