the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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