My balls are so social today.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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