It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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