Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
