if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
