my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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