Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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