hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize