At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
