Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
