This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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