My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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