So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
