i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
