FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
