chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
