i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
