If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
