how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
