Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?

(787): View more from Puerto Rico

No, it just says ur easy

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(415): View more from California

oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob

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(937): View more from Ohio

Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.

(937): View more from Ohio

He had some in his pocket. That was weird.

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(720): View more from Colorado

He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.

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(614): View more from Ohio

If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.

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(979): View more from Texas

You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands

(713): View more from Texas

When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things

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(859): View more from Kentucky

the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.

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(760): View more from California

Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.

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