it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
