Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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