I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
