our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
