What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
