New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
