1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
