Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
