omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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