My hand turned me down
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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