thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
