"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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