Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
