i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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