grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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