I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
