I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
