one two three fourrrrnication!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
